


Boys Night

by itstartedwithaspyglass



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: BROT3, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-10
Updated: 2013-03-10
Packaged: 2017-12-04 20:40:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/714862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itstartedwithaspyglass/pseuds/itstartedwithaspyglass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Killian Jones, Dr. Whale, and Jefferson are out at a bar having a drunken conversation on the women in their lives...but the ladies are listening just around the corner.  Someone might just end up on the couch if they're not careful!  ONESHOT.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Boys Night

“So, lemme get this straight.” Said Whale, beginning to take a count in his fingers. “She called your bullshit and tied you to a tree, left your ass at the top of the beanstalk, knocked you out at the lake-portal-thingy, chained you to a hospital bed, and knocked you out cold with and umbrella stand?! You either got some serious dominatrix issues with that girl, or you need to rethink your career choice as a pirate!”

This had been going on all night, and Killian was not amused. 

“Oh right, like your girl’s a picnic herself there mate!” he retorted. “How many times a day do you have to give her a scratch between the ears, eh Whale?”

“At least my arms are free to do it, man.” Whale chuckled good-naturedly before taking another swig of his beer. Empty bottles littered the bar in front of them, each one only furthering the level of bawdy humor attained at the other’s expense.

“It must be useful having her around though,” snorted Jefferson after a swig of his own, “never have to fetch the newspaper in the mornings anymore I bet!”

The three men exploded in laughter, far from caring if anyone else in the crowded bar heard their exclamations.

“Aw sure, sure,” chuckled Whale, wiping tears from his eyes, “she gets me anything I want, whenever I want. I want a sandwich, all I gotta do is say “Hey Ruby, go fetch!’ and she brings me one! Simple as that!”

Then men broke into another round of hysterical laughter, drawing stares and annoyed looks from the other patrons. The other two continued to guffaw as Whale picked up his pint to take another generous drink.

“Will that be ham? Or would you like turkey instead?”

The beer that Whale had not yet swallowed spurted like a geyser from between his lips. He turned around slowly, finding himself face to face with Ruby, whose hip was cocked and arms were folded menacingly across her chest. “Hello Victor. Having a good time?”

“Ru – Ru – Ruby!” he sputtered. “I didn’t know you were here!”

“Well since you boys were having a guys night us girls decided to have a ladies night!” she said, a tight lipped smile plastered on her face as Emma and Alice came up to flank her on either side.

“Hey Ruby, everything alright?” Emma asked, eyeing Killian as he straightened up and shot her a roguish smirk.

“Of course!” Ruby said brightly, “We were just establishing that someone’s sleeping arrangements were going to be a little bit different tonight. Weren’t we Victor?”  
“Yes dear,” Whale said as he hung his head in shame, the other two collapsing into silent fits of laughter either side of him.

“And where do you think that would be Victor?”

“On the couch,” he mumbled resignedly.

“Good boy,” Ruby said as she patted his head twice and turned on her heel to stalk out the door.

“And you!” barked Emma at the still shaking Killian, who immediately sat stick straight with an angelic expression stuck on his inebriated face, “Don’t make me have to take you home in handcuffs. Behave,” she finished with a kiss on his cheek before she walked outside to join Ruby.

“Be good Jefferson,” added Alice with a smile. “Oh, and I almost forgot...” she said, digging around in her bag and coming out with a pom-pomed, crocheted beanie. “You forgot your hat my silly rabbit! Wouldn’t want you to catch cold!”

“Thanks dear,” sighed Jefferson as she jammed the fuzzy nightmare onto his head and left to join the others.

The men look at one another with bemused expressions, wondering how things had gotten them to where they were this night. As one, they raised their hands to signal the bartender for another round. Lord knows they’d need it.


End file.
